What Is Conflict and Suffering?

Unlike every other living animal that wonders about on the surface of the earth, man is the only one that can walk around wishing he were taller, smaller, more peaceful, or less flawed. And sure, this is unfortunate, but unfortunate is about all it is... and unnecessary... unhealthy... Please try to pay the most attention to the fact that it can also be very informative.

Before each of us ever learned how to do any one particular thing, such as to ride a bike, there had to first exist a desire to do it. Additionally, prior to ever having done it, we were neither consciously nor unconsciously competent at doing it; or, said another way, we were both consciously and unconsciously incompetent with regard to doing it. Also realize that during the course of learning how to do whatever it is we would like to do will we naturally expend a certain amount of conscious energy.

Then, after having expended conscious energy and focus, we become not just consciously competent at doing whatever it is, we also quickly become unconsciously competent; and it is at this point, the point where we have become unconsciously competent at doing something, that we need never again tie up all that much of our conscious energy during the course of doing it. After all, how many of us are able to simultaneously drive an automobile and sort out or consider issues we are trying to work through or find solutions for?

Imagine if, after having driven for thirty minutes, and after having arrived at a destination, someone were to ask you if you had seen a certain car lot, or had remembered passing by some construction. Perhaps, after having first looked off into space momentarily, you may even say, “Gee, I wasn’t really paying that much attention… I guess I had a lot on my mind. Sorry.”  

Thus prior to the ability to do any one thing is there a desire to do it; and, prior to becoming empowered with the ability to do it, we are neither consciously nor unconsciously competent with regard to doing it. And it is only after having first become consciously competent at doing whatever it is that we can exhibit unconscious competence.

 

There Once was a Little Girl.

A little girl sits at the family’s kitchen table, alongside her mother, finishing up what she wants of her food; and even though she has eaten quite a bit, she has yet to finish all the food her mother put on her plate. In response to this the mother says, “Honey, we live in a world where many boys and girls don’t ever have enough food to eat.  To show gratitude for what you have, like any good girl does, you should always eat all the food on your plate. This will not only make Mommy very happy, it will make you feel good.”

Shortly thereafter this same girl is in the family car with her father, driving around. Watching her father closely, as some children do, she notices her dad craning his neck and looking out the car’s window at a woman who is walking down the sidewalk. Only because he is so diligent about following the woman, with his eyes, does his daughter even notice. Then, just after the father becomes consciously aware of his daughter’s watchful eyes, does he say, “Honey, because some women can be so beautiful, some men find it difficult to not notice them. After all, men are attracted to women. One day, after you’ve grown some more and developed into a young woman, you too will be noticed by men. So it’s important that you always take care of yourself, exercise, and be diligent about staying thin and never eating too much food… because in this world, Honey, for some reason, attractive people seem to have it easier than other people.”

 

What Just Happened? What Is the Cost?

On being told by her mother that cleaning her plate will “make her feel good,” the little girl is taught to associate feeling good with eating an entire plate of food; or, said another way, the little girl has been told that it is only through eating all the food on her plate that she can walk away from the table feeling as good as possible, or even feeling the exact same way she would imagine a Good Girl to feel, or not feeling the way a Bad Girl would feel. Yet, regardless of exactly which feelings she chooses to associate with either a Good Girl or Bad Girl, at least in her eyes, of one thing we can be quite sure: A Bad Girl can never feel, emotionally speaking, as good as a Good Girl. Surely a Good Girl would feel, at minimum, more confident, more peaceful, and perhaps even more appreciated or complete.

On the other hand, it is the eating of too much food, or plate cleaning, that can make a woman overweight, and thus, by some standards, unattractive. Remember that her father told her that a Good Girl is attractive by virtue of having taken care of herself and never eating to excess, or in essence never eating more than she needs. So, in as much as she fails to behave in a manner consistent with Good Girl behavior will she not feel as good as she imagines a Good Girl to feel.

This is called internal conflict, and this is how it is created. Because some part of this girl is ‘for’ some behavior or thing that another part of her would have to be ‘against,’ which in the case at hand relates mostly to food, she has no chance of ever really feeling content, peaceful, or fulfilled. As it is, so long as some part of her is in need of something that another part of her sees as “bad,” or counterproductive to its ideals, she cannot possibility feel as good as she could feel if this weren’t the case.

Just as the driver couldn’t remember all the things that he or she passed while driving to a destination, once a child has become proficient at being unconsciously competent at performing some act, even if such act happens to revolve around watching his or her weight, or eating an entire plate of food, the feelings he or she decides to associate with either performing or not performing such an act move beyond the realm of conscious control.

In other words, once certain values are instilled into us, and we become unconsciously proficient at doing whatever it is we do in an attempt to continually keep ourselves aligned with those values, to the same degree that we become unconsciously able to do whatever it is, do we simultaneously lose the ability to have conscious control over the emotions we initially decided to associate with the act itself.

Said yet another way, it would be impossible for a Plate Cleaner to not clean a plate and feel as good as he or she would feel after having cleaned a plate, or feel as good as one whose sense of peace of mind is not, or has never been, associated with, or conditioned upon, the same act. Clearing all the food from a plate would be fine, so long as no part of you is unconsciously attached to doing so.

 

What Happens to the Girl Once She Becomes a Teenager?

Once a teenager, after having naturally developed more—after hitting puberty, and thus becoming more concerned over her physical appearance—this same girl develops an eating disorder called “bulimia nervosa.” Pursuant to her disorder, she will sometimes eat, figuratively speaking, if not everything in sight, then at least every bit of everything that had been put in front of her, only to later feel compelled to go to the restroom and intentionally throw it all up. Now, given what we have discussed, is this really all that much of a mystery?

I think not. You know, I can appreciate the fact that certain people, including maybe every single professional health care worker working in the United States, may see bulimia nervosa to be perplexing, but this doesn’t mean that every single one of us has to.

Just as Jesus Christ once said that it is only a small child that can enter the Kingdom of Heaven, it is only a small child that has yet to be programmed with contradictory values. The only reason why this little girl eventually became “troubled” with her weight is because, at a certain point, she had done nothing more than listen to, and even act upon, what it was she had been told. As a result of nothing more than parental instruction, she was in essence taught that a Good Girl simultaneously remains thin and eats everything put in front of her.

Instilled into her at such time had been a desire to essentially seek out and avoid certain things, such as eating excessively, not exercising, or the like; and from the conscious desire to seek out or avoid certain things was eventually born the unconscious ability to continuously seek out and avoid certain things. So, just as she had once created unconscious programs that were motivated toward eating all the food on a plate, thus enabling her to feel like a Good Girl, she also has unconscious programs that were motivated toward staying thin, not eating more than she needs, and the like, the reality of which gives birth to a challenging, a challenge that is extremely energy-draining. Now, taking the entirety of this into consideration, is it any wonder why it is that this same little girl will clean up every plate in sight, only to then go vomit it all up?

 It is impossible for a man to mount two horses, or to draw two bows. A servant cannot serve two masters; he will honor the one and scorn the other. [Jesus Christ]

Is it any wonder why she, like most of us, during the course of her childhood, consistently lost more and more conscious control over her emotions? How do you think the Kingdom of Heaven would feel? What would it be like? Would it feel “heavenly,” as in fulfilling, peaceful, loving, and happy, or would it include some semblance of conflict and suffering?

Rather than have any portion of one’s happiness or peace, or sense of happiness or peace, be related to, or a derivative of, either external factors or circumstances, or of either the successful acquisition or avoidance of any one thing, I would imagine “Heaven” to be representative of a degree of psychological development that would be mostly, if not fully, impervious to such things. Yes, as opposed to the more predominant or “earthly” form of happiness, that which is largely outcome-based—i.e. “Boy, I sure will be happy when I am finished with this”—would it not be heavenly for each of us to be able to know feelings like peace, love, happiness, and fulfillment, regardless of clean or empty plates, regardless of the presence or absence of exercise, regardless of the presence or absence of good grades, sunny or rainy weather, completing something, and yes, regardless of the presence or absence of even certain people in our lives.

Those whose consciousness is unified abandon all attachment to the results of action (i.e. plate cleaning) and attain supreme peace. [Hinduism. Bhagavad Gita 5.12]

Beauty arises from the fusion of extremes into a harmonious oneness. [Unification Church. Sun Myung Moon 9-11-79]

 

What Could Be In Store for this Troubled Teen?

At some point in the future this same girl somehow gets introduced to a certain kind of self-help book. Such book’s author claims the book to be capable of not just thoroughly explaining the phenomenon of human conflict and suffering, and in extremely contemporary and easy-to-understand terms, but to completely ‘unwind’ or remove it. In the appendix of such book is a list the author refers to as “The Wish List,” a list comprised of various shortcomings, as viewed from within the mind of the one reading the book, or glancing over the list, such as

 

1.      I wish I didn’t get so much satisfaction out of having people admit their ‘wrongs.’

2.      I wish I didn’t get so much satisfaction out of hearing people apologize to me.

3.      I wish I could learn how to forgive those who I feel have somehow let me down.

4.      I wish I could learn how to be more at peace with things exactly as they are.

5.      I wish I could bring myself to eat healthier/better.

6.      I wish I could stick to a workout.

7.      I wish I didn’t feel good about, or enjoy sometimes throwing up the food I eat.

8.      I wish I didn’t have such a tendency to be so tight with money.

9.      I wish I could bring myself to stop worrying so much.

10.  I wish I could quit being so critical about myself.

11.  I wish I could quit being so critical about others.

12.  I wish it wasn’t so hard for me to let go of things that bother me.

13.  I wish I didn’t feel so frustrated or stressed out all the time.

14.  I wish I wasn’t so indecisive.

15.  I wish I didn’t drink as frequently or as much as I do.

16.  I wish I didn’t feel so restless so much of the time.

17.  I wish I could quit using [certain chemicals or drugs]

18.  I wish I didn’t have a tendency to get so angry.

19.  I wish I never felt jealous over my girlfriend/boyfriend.

20.  I wish I could go awhile without getting so down on myself.

21.  I wish I didn’t feel so exhausted all the time.

22.  I wish I didn’t feel so sad all the time.

23.  I wish I never acted irrationally.

24.  I wish I never felt guilty or shameful over past actions.

25.  I wish I never felt so misunderstood.

26.  I wish I never felt so disrespected.

27.  I wish I never felt so unloved.

28.  I wish I never felt inadequate/incapable/ineffective.

29.  I wish I felt worthy of receiving nothing but positive things in my life.

30.  I wish I felt as though I deserve more than I have.

31.  I wish I didn’t have to feel full after having eaten.

32.  I wish I could quit overeating/stuffing myself.

33.  I wish I could quit worrying about my appearance.

34.  I wish I didn’t have so much pride.

35.  I wish I never felt anxious or nervous over future events.

36.  I wish it wasn’t so hard for me to relax.

37.  I wish I wasn’t so driven to accomplish things/make money.

38.  I wish I could go without ever saying things that I don’t mean.

39.  I wish I could stop exaggerating/stretching the truth.

40.  I wish I didn’t constantly feel a sense of impending doom.

41.  I wish I could stop procrastinating.

42.  I wish I could stop worrying about things that are beyond my control.

43.  I wish I didn’t feel down whenever it rains, or when the weather is gloomy.

 

Within the same book the girl is asked to count the number of ‘Wish List’ items she can identify with.  Of the twenty or more selections that she makes, two of them, when studied side by side, offer proof of what which we just discussed. Number 32: “I wish I could quit overeating/stuffing myself,” Number 33: “I wish I could quit worrying about my appearance.”  But, given the substance of what has been discussed thus far, is this really all that mystifying?

 

To have part of you be ‘for’ something that another part of you would have to be ‘against,’ or said another way, to have part of you be motivated ‘toward’ the receipt of something that another part of you would naturally like to ‘avoid,’ is the definition of conflict. Now that you understand how it is that internal conflict is created, and from a practical and non-religious perspective, take an even closer look; because, as it turns out, just the substance of this one phenomenon constitutes practically the entire message of every one of history’s greatest mystics and avatars.

 

 

Just Take a Look.

Whereas in Spanish and/or Latin the word ‘sin’ means ‘without,’ or ‘lacking,’ it also means, from a biblical standpoint, “to miss one’s mark.” In other words, if I were to view the daily eating of a salad to be a good thing, as in productive or constructive behavior, then to the degree that I fail to eat at least one salad per day am I a “sinner.” To Jesus Christ, one of the greatest psychologists of all time, and a man who clearly understood all this, “sin” was little more than a term he used to describe the difference, or disparity, between one’s 'ideal' and 'norm.'

 

In other words, to the degree that you fail to live in harmony with any one of your ideals are you a “sinner.” And that is really all there is to it. Mystery solved.

 

Taking all this into consideration, The Wish List is nothing more than a list of some of the ways in which a person can view themselves to be lacking, wanting, or flawed. Additionally, as an aside, a person who is no longer able to select just one item from the list has no more instances of internal conflict. Consequently, such a person perpetually feels “heavenly”—i.e. peaceful and happy, perfect, complete, and fulfilled, as if lacking nothing—which is how we were all created to feel.

 

And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. [James 1:4]

 

Just as Daddy’s little girl would stand to benefit from the removal of any limiting behavior or ideals, such as could relate to either a specific weight, or to cleaning plates, the book she bought was “Having Heaven.” The process of one removing from oneself conflicting ideology and behavior—i.e. the compulsive need to both eat everything and to remain thin—has historically been associated with one removing the “worldliness” from oneself, or even cleaning out the inside of one’s “cup.”

 

Just as “Kryptonite” represented not just pieces of the world that Superman had come from, but that which “weakened” him, Jesus viewed conflicting ideology, or “worldliness,” to be the only source of conflict and suffering. Similarly, Moses represented the act of accepting contradictory or dualistic knowledge with eating the "fruit" of the "Good and Bad Tree” (Genesis 2:9), and the original Buddha said that duality was the only reason why man suffers.

 

To keep oneself unspotted by worldly values is pure and undefiled religion. [James 1:27]

 

One Who Applies Its Teaching Will Eventually Become Free of Internal Conflict.

Not unlike this document, Having Heaven does a great job of removing much the mystery from ancient scripture, or de-mystifying otherwise mystical quotes and teachings; and one need not be a Christian, a Buddhist, a Hindu, a Taoist, or even familiar with the Bible to benefit from it. Even an agnostic will not just enjoy this easy-to-understand and contemporary story and handbook, but will benefit most from the actual application of its teaching, that which covers the subject of psychological freedom and personal empowerment in unbelievably simple and eclectic terms.

 

Through simple application of “The Savior” technique, a self-introspective technique it offers, one can simply pick and resolve whatever is selected, and in any order. Even though some selections may need to be addressed more than one time, the rewards are ineffable. From front to finish, one's overall mental focus will constantly improve; they enjoy more and more qualities like acceptance, love, and peace, and for no particular reason at all.  Imagine having not one set of opposing parts inside oneself ever again, such that no one part of one is longing for something that another part views as threateing. Imagine never again looking at oneself as imperfect, incomplete, or lacking, to revisit James’ description.

The bliss of lusts and heaven-world equal not one-sixteenth of the bliss of
craving’s ending. [Buddhism. Udana 11]

Blind is this world. Few are those who clearly see. As birds escape from a net, few go to a blissful state. [Buddhism. Dhammapada 174]

Have you ever become consciously aware of the fact that something was indeed bothering you, yet you were unable to actually figure out exactly what it was?  You may have even said to yourself or to someone else, "I can't figure out why I feel this way... It's like something is bothering me, but I can't figure out what." The truth is, you need never feel that way again.

 

Not unlike a computer, we as humans are comprised of both a physical being, which could represent 'hardware,' and a psychological being, that which is comprised of conceptual information—such as values, ideas, opinions, and beliefs—and could be viewed as 'software.'  Just as one who becomes dissatisfied with the software of his or her computer has the freedom to either change out or update it, thus installing and utilizing a much more appropriate version, if one should become dissatisfied with his or her own software, the best thing he or she can do is simply change it.

 

Historically, those who have seen this potential have been called “enlightened,” and those who have not just seen it, but have also been diligent about personally applying and capitalizing on it—i.e. applying it to themselves—have been called “saints,” yet somehow and unfortunately “self-help” and “religion,” as subjects, still constitute two entirely different sections of today’s bookstore.

 

History's greatest teachers of personal empowerment were nothing more than rational and fearless beings who were brave enough to do the unthinkable: to honestly not just look at, but to actually and methodically change or alter their own software—i.e. to reduce their own amount of internal conflict and suffering.

 

And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee. [Matthew 18:9]

 

History’s most “enlightened” and “saintly” never asked you to regularly attend church, nor to spend your days helping old ladies cross over streets. They never forbid you to dance, or to enjoy the opposite sex. More than anything else, they were simply asking you to be and feel truly happy and free, to enjoy and empower yourself, because to crucify aspects of your psychological being that you find to be offensive or troubling is for you to create a psychological being that will be more impervious to external factors and circumstances, or to build your sense of peace and happiness in such a way that it more closely resembles “rock” rather than “sand.”

 

With suffering being only a derivative of, and caused by internal conflict, these wonderful human beings were simply trying to communicate to each of us, even through thousands of years of cultural and linguistic changes, that it is just in the overcoming of internal conflict—i.e. the removal of worldliness—that we get everything.  Once each of us has resolved our own internal conflict, once each of us feels perfect, complete, and whole, as if lacking nothing, not only will the entire race become a stranger to suffering, "World Peace" will become a reality, rather than just a dream. 

 

Kevin Taylor 

 

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